...a perfect sonnet.
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in hisnameis_frank's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
    Tuesday
    July 17th, 2007
    i haven't posted in a very very long time.

    so, in case you were in need of an update...

    i am currently attending the School of Visual Arts for a 3-Week, Pre-College, Film Production program. i am now in my second week and really digging it a lot. Week 1 was International Cinema (film history) and Screenwriting in the afternoon. That had it's ups and downs, but all in all now that i'm not taking film history any more, I really miss it. i'm thinking of possibly going to college for cinema studies. but, idk. whatever.

    so, in screenwriting we broke into groups and wrote a short film, and now in week 2, Film Production, we are actually going out and shooting the film with professional SAG actors. needless to say, it's very exciting. however, we only have 3 days to shoot, and i am getting very anxious/nervous/stressed about getting it all done in such a short period of time. such is life i guess, i just really want the final product to be everything i imagined.

    btw, we are shooting on 16mm black & white silent film. this makes for a very happy and confused jenn.

    other than that, i'm not sure what to say.

    i miss a few select people very, very much and hope that someday soon i will finally regain contact with them. it's really tearing me up inside to tell you the truth. vbdjfnbgkdbfgk. blehh.

    well, that's all. i suppose i'll upload the film at the end of next week when it's finished with editing and all of that junk. check back and i'll post the link.

    Current Mood: blah.
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Thursday, April 19th, 2007
    Thursday
    April 19th, 2007
    deny me and be doomed.
    so it was my birthday on friday the 13th. yes, i know.
    and i went into NYC to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the IFC center. 

    John Cameron Mitchell was there in person for q & a, and there was a live Hedwig cast/band called "the midnight checkout queens." hedwig fans will get it. 

    let me just say, john cameron mitchell was EVERYTHING i had expected him to be, which is saying a lot. god i love that man. he makes it cool for queer kids to get into film. anyway, i'm pretty sure hedwig is becoming my new Rent. I have an addictive personality like that. I fucking loved the show and I wish I couldn have gone back in for the second night. oh well, here are some pictures i took on my phone. the quality is for shit so bare with me.


    John Cameron Mitchell on stage at the IFC center.


    the midnight checkout queens onstage during "midnight radio."

    and here's me after the show:



    that's about all folks.

    Current Mood: drained
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Sunday, March 25th, 2007
    Sunday
    March 25th, 2007
    the things i do for rent.


    Current Mood: crazy
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Monday, December 25th, 2006
    Monday
    December 25th, 2006
    grey christmas.
    so this is christmas...


    i'm melancholy but pretty much satisfied.

    it isn't about presents, although i admit i can be materialistic, i am thankful for what i have.

    i wish i could have given more to my friends and the people i love.
    i only bought a present for danielle and it wasn't even what i wanted to get her.

    but, idk. that's not whats bothering me.

    idk what it is exactly.

    i miss my friends, i feel terrible about kenny. (and i hope you enjoy hearing that if your reading this, you dyke).

    i miss meagan and DBT a LOT.


    idk, but on another note...

    i found out today that my dad's current girlfriend is a counselor for domestic violence. ohhhhhh the irony.
















    goodbye journal.

    Current Mood: bleh.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Saturday, November 4th, 2006
    Saturday
    November 4th, 2006
    what was the point? final summation? ...none.
    SLC Punk! and the Finer Points of Anarchism
    Alexander S. Peak

    28 November 2005

    In the 1998 film SLC Punk!, “Stevo,” a fictional punk living in Salt Lake City, speaks on a variety of topics of interest to him. This is quite an interesting film, as you probably know if you’ve seen it.

    However, I felt very uncomfortable with a certain portion of the film where Stevo appears to use some circular logic. I couldn’t place my finger on it at the time I saw the film, presumably because he spoke so quickly, but I think I now know where lies my contention with it.

    During one soliloquy of the film, Stevo states the following:

    The Fight: What Does it Mean and Where Does it Come From, An Essay

    Homo sapiens: A man. He is alone in the universe. A punker: Still a man. He is alone in the universe, but he connects. How? They hit each other. No clearer way to evaluate whether or not you’re alive.

    Now, complications. A reason to fight. Somebody different. Difference creates dispute. Dispute is a reason to fight. Now, to fight is a reason to feel pain. Life is pain. So to fight with reason is to be alive with reason. Final analysis: To fight, a reason to live.

    Problems and Contradictions: I am an anarchist. I believe that there should be no rules, only chaos. Fighting appears to be chaos. And when we slam in the pit at a show, it is. But when we fight for a reason, like rednecks, there’s a system: we fight for what we stand for: chaos. Fighting is a structure, fighting is to establish power, power is government and government is not anarchy. Government is war and war is fighting. The circle goes like this: our redneck skirmishes are cheap perversions of conventional warfare. War implies extreme government because wars are fought to enforce rules or ideals, even freedom. But other people ideals forced on someone else, even if it is something like freedom, is still a rule; not anarchy.

    This contradiction was becoming clear to me in the fall of ’85. Even as early as my first party, “Why did I love to fight?” I framed it, but still, I don’t understand it. It goes against my beliefs as a true anarchist. But there it was: competition, fighting, capitalism, government, THE SYSTEM. That’s what we did. It’s what we always did. Rednecks kicked the shit out of punks, punks kicked the shit out of mods, mods kicked the shit out of skinheads, skinheads took out the heavy metal guys, and the heavy metal guys beat the living shit out of new wavers and the new wavers did nothing.

    What was the point? Final summation? None.

    Did you catch the error? Either this is a true paradox, or one or more of Stevo’s contentions are incorrect. Whereas I do love the nihilistic nature of the final summation, I do not believe this is a true paradox.

    Stevo’s main flaw is that he characterizes Anarchy as “Chaos,” which it is not, and assumes that since chaos is, in a sense, order, that anarchy is thusly oxymoronic.



    This is not the case, however, in my opinion. A famous Anarchist philosopher, Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, once postulated that “anarchy is order.” In fact, that’s where the symbolism of the Circle-A allegedly comes from: from the ideal that anarchy (symbolized by the ‘A’) is order (symbolized by the circle).

    Government, I would argue, is a form of chaos, one that ceases to exist under anarchism. Why is it a form of chaos? Because it monopolizes power for the purpose of dictating people’s lives.



    Make no mistake, anarchy is a system. However, it is a system that differs from democracy (the dictatorship of a majority faction), oligarchy (the dictatorship of a few), and monarchy (the dictatorship of one) in that every person in an anarchy has sovereignty over him- or herself. The same is true of minarchy. Anarchy is not chaos.

    I realize some might not understand what I mean by these terms. To clear that up, the literal definition of anarchy is ‘without leadership’ or ‘without government,’ and the literal definition of minarchy is ‘with minimal leadership’ or ‘with minimal government.’ So whereas anarchy is a system, it is a system devoid of government, a system without formal laws.

    Under anarchy, for example, you can’t force your neighbor to build a fence by passing a law, even if everyone except your neighbor wants him to build a fence. Under anarchy, you have to use your art of persuasion to encourage him to build a fence. Explain why you think it will be a good idea, and why everyone wants it. But force him? If you force him, you’re creating an establishment of government, and that is not anarchy.

    But, just like it is under minarchy, if your neighbor initiates force against you (through starting a fight with you without your consent, for example), you have the right to use force to defend yourself, as you are not the initiator of said force, and thus not the establisher of government. Government, simply stated, is force. By using force to defend yourself, you’re not establishing government, but rather disestablishing it the “government” (force) he has established.

    Minarchism is very similar to anarchism, except that under minarchism, there is a small government present which has the sole purpose of protecting rights. If government fails to protect rights, or even worse, actively infringes upon rights, as our does, we are justified in altering or abolishing it, according to John Locke. Under anarchism, you’re responsible for protecting your own rights from tyrants, whether alone or with the voluntary help of others.

    Lastly, I feel I must add that anarchism is in no way inherently anti-capitalist, at least according to what I define as capitalism. Of course, it would be opposed to the pseudo-capitalist system we have in the U.S.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Monday, October 30th, 2006
    Monday
    October 30th, 2006
    lost.
    one thing in the moment;
    never seems:
    to work;
    to stick;
    to be the right thing,
    in the moment.
    if you read, (3) you'll judge.
    Monday
    October 30th, 2006
    ♥ YOU ♥
    1. A Cuddler? absoloutley if i'm in the right mood.
    2. A morning person? hah. NO.
    3. Are you a perfectionist? at certain things.
    4. An only child? im the oldest of 3.
    5. Religious? in many ways.
    6. In your pajamas? no, but i've been in bed all day.
    7. Left handed? no, i'm a boring righty.

    ♥ LAST ♥
    1. Friend you saw: jennie.
    2. Talked to on the phone: panera bread.
    3. Message over MySpace: kenny maybe?
    4. Wore: jeans, "tiny's cow palace" tee, grey hoodie.
    5. Was today better than yesterday: hell no.

    ♥ Favorite ♥
    1. Number: 13
    2. Color: deep purple.
    3. Season: winter.

    ♥ CURRENTLY ♥
    1. Missing: happiness.
    2. Wanting: so many things. not to be confused. not to be such a mess.

    ♥ Questions & ANSWERS ♥
    Q: What was the first thing you did this morning?
    A: crawled back into the blankets.

    Q: Last thing you ate:
    A: pop tart hours ago.

    Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
    A: once again, many things.

    Q: What's the last movie you watched?
    A: "EVERYONE CALM DOWN" a documentary about independent filmmaking

    Q: Where is the last place you went?
    A: to the computer table?

    Q: Do you smile often?:
    A: not recentley.

    Q: Do you wish upon stars?
    A: sometimes.

    Q: Are you a friendly person?:
    A: i don't know...

    Q: Where did you sleep last night?:
    A: in a bed.

    Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
    A: yellow/blue and grey.

    Q: Do you have more guy or girl friends?
    A: i don't know actually.

    Q: When was the last time you cried?
    A: today. ugh.

    Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
    A: i don't wanna go...

    Q: What are you about to do?
    A: smoke.

    Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10?
    A: -0.75

    Q: What do you hear right now?
    A: my gineau pig twitching.

    Q: If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
    A. a jones soda.

    Q: Anything hurt on your body right now?
    A: everything...i have athritis. seriously, i'm not just emo.

    Q: What's your favourite month?
    A: idk.

    Q: What was your elementary schools mascot?
    A: the school was too poor to have one.

    Q: What’s your favourite bottled water?
    A: i don't like water.

    Q: What are you doing at 9 pm tonight?
    A: probably moping. or work.

    Q: What’s your favourite Starbucks drink?
    A: tall coffee w/a tripple shot.

    Q: Did you attend your high school prom?
    A: not yet.

    Q: Did you go to someone else's prom?
    A: yes.

    Q: Do you prefer coffee or tea?
    A: coffee.

    Q: Something red within 5 feet of you?
    A: a piece of plastic?

    Q: Least favourite color?
    A: baby pink, maybe?

    Q: Favourite kind of pizza?
    A: mushrooooooom. crispani=<333.

    Q: Ever had Dippin Dots?
    A: the ice cream of the future.

    Q: Ever make fun of a homeless person?
    A: no.

    Q: At what age do you want to get married?
    A: i don't know if i even do anymore.

    Q: How many kids do you have/want?
    A: one if any.

    Q: NAME A FRIEND WHOS NAME STARTS WITH A "E".
    A: i can't think.

    Q: 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALLS:
    A: my therapist...wow. that's sad.

    Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
    A: allthetime.

    Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
    A: no. dykey-hair.

    Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOURE GOING TO?
    A: death cab.<333333

    Q: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE AND WHO WAS IT?
    A: my mother, "...leave me alone."

    Q: DO YOU WATCH TV?
    A: too much.

    Q: HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
    A: a bazillllion times.

    Q: DO YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW?
    A: no, therapy.

    Q: EVER BEEN FISHING?
    A: yes. with my father. thus, i hate fishing.

    Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
    A: you never know i guess.

    Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW?:
    A: going to school. =/

    Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
    A: jenn the freshman lesbian.

    Q: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
    A: what the fuck kind of question is that?

    Q: WHO'S THE YOUNGEST ONE IN THE FAMILY ?
    A: my sister.

    Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
    A: insomniac/hypersomniac.

    Q: LAST TIME YOU USED A SKATEBOARD?
    A: pre-concussion. thus, concussion.

    Q: WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU SLEPT BESIDES YOUR HOUSE?
    A: don't remember.

    Q: EVER RUN OUT OF GAS ON THE ROAD?
    A: don't drive.

    Q: BEST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS?
    A: some stuff on ifc. "American Gun," maybe.



    OK OK ONE MORE I PROMISE!!!



    43 of the MOST Random Questions Ever. BE HONEST

    1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
    in bed.

    2. Who will be your next kiss?
    i sure hope danielle.

    3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
    a stain on my sock.

    4. When is the last time you went to the mall?
    a long long time ago.

    5. Are you wearing socks right now?
    i just said...

    6. When was the last time you went out of the state?
    i don't remember.

    7. Did you go to the movies last weekend?
    nope.

    8 What was the last thing you had to drink?
    gatorade, (blueisbest).

    9. What are you wearing right now?
    i already answered that.

    10. What was your last purchase?
    cigarettes.

    11. Last food you ate?
    answered that too!

    12. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
    wtf?!?!?

    13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
    no, finally a fresh question.

    14. Do you have a pet?
    too many.

    15. What's the last sporting event you watched?
    uhmm...none?

    16. What is your favorite class?
    ap psych or video...which is sad.

    17. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
    i'm not sure.

    18. What is the last thing you purchased online?
    tickets for death cab.

    20. What's your favorite soup?
    tuscan veg. and ditalini.

    21. Do you miss anyone?
    yes.

    22. Last play you saw?
    rent=lovelovelovelove.

    23. What are your plans for the night?
    answered!

    24. Who is the last person you messaged on myspace?
    dfjgsbkdgsk.

    25. Ever go to a camp?
    yes.

    26. Were you an honor roll student in school?
    hah.

    27.What do you know about the future?
    well, i'm afraid of it.

    28. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
    yes.

    30. Where is your best friend(s) located?:
    albany. ghetto-hurst.

    31. Do you have a tan?
    i'm pale.

    32. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
    SDGSNDLSF.

    33. Do people hate you?
    a few. okay, more than a few.

    34. Do you have any tattoos or piercings & if so where?
    tounge, ear, cartilage.

    35. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
    what...nevermind.

    36. How do you like your soda?
    carbonated?

    37. Do you like hot sauce?
    yes. =P

    38. Last time you took a shower?
    LOL.

    39. Who do you like?
    my friends, sometimes.

    40. Do they like you?
    i'm never sure.

    41. Are you someone's best friend?
    yes, i am meagan follet's bestFUCKINGfriend.<3
    ...happy?

    42. What's the last TV show you watched?
    law & order SVU.

    43. Are you addicted to a certain kind of gum?
    any gum is gum well chewed.

    Current Mood: dead.
    if you read, (2) you'll judge.
    Friday, October 13th, 2006
    Friday
    October 13th, 2006
    skgskdbsgskvagina.
    so much has happened since the last time i posted an entry;



    danielle is gone.

    my school life is in shambles.


    i'm moving. yuckkkkkkk.

    and work is well...work.


    i honestly don't know what to do with myself. i feel so completley hopeless that it scares me. part of me wants to go to school; part of me never wants to see the inside of that goddamn building again; part of me wants to curl up under a rock and die; part of me wants to reach out to danielle; part of me wants to push danielle away; part of me is trying to tell myself to just SHUT THE FUCK UP. fglksdjfngksgn.



    my only wishes are to stop thinking and to somehow become less confused.

    idk./*


    idk if i should feel guilty or not. maybe yes; maybe no. i'm falling out of touch with anyone and everyone who is a part of my life. i'm detaching for my entire life and becomeing a manic-depressive recluse.

    becoming...heh.
    who am i kidding?


    i just...want everything to go back to when it made sense to me. i know it's childish and impratical, but...everything was all...easy.


    i just want to be the warm yellow light that pours all over everyone i love.

    rlkgsnlkgsnlkgjsbdklgs. idontknow.




    what's a dyke to do?
    comment. now.

    Current Mood: distressed.
    if you read, (3) you'll judge.
    Monday, October 2nd, 2006
    Monday
    October 2nd, 2006
    sometimes, i really wish i could just...dissapear.

    Current Mood: crushed.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Monday, September 18th, 2006
    Monday
    September 18th, 2006
    pathetic.
    if you have to get fucked-up to be an interesting person or just to have a good time you're a fucking pathetic loser.





    so don't fucking do it.

    Current Mood: exhausted
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
    Tuesday
    August 29th, 2006
    I spoke with an Indian man about misery and life, all my troubles and worries.


    i called him to speak about someone else who i was concerned about.

    --he ended up changing the conversation into his concerns about me.



    i don't know when the last time i was this confused, scared or worried was.

    --i can think of a time, ...idk.


    comment and tell me what to do?

    Current Mood: worried.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Sunday, August 27th, 2006
    Sunday
    August 27th, 2006
    lklklklk.



    im fat. uck.






    i <3 danielle's smoldering vag.











    no comment.










    the most beautiful person you've ever met.

    Current Mood: amused.
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Thursday, August 24th, 2006
    Thursday
    August 24th, 2006
    too much fun.

















    and last and finally...





    corn is no place for a mighty warrior!


    Current Mood: aggravated
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Monday, August 21st, 2006
    Monday
    August 21st, 2006
    mmm.
    My mom is going away tomorrow.

    it should be fun.

    i've been thinking about probation and how my p.o. hasn't shown up in a long time.

    i think i bored her. heh. me.
    i guess it's cause i'm not a gangbanger or anything.

    just a fucked up little girl.

    i wonder if i ever really belonged on probation. i know being on it never stopped me from doing anything, it never kept me from behaving ways that i shouldn't have.

    i still smoked and drank and did drugs and hurt myself. i still rolled in at 3 am, 12 hours after i snuck out.

    i still had sex in the house, with numerous people.

    i still did everything i was told not to do.


    but somehow, in that time...i got better, i stopped doing some of those bad things-- alright, only some, but i did genuinley improve. i haven't tried to kill myself in a long, long time. which i am proud of, because, at one time, i used to try on a daily basis.

    it shows alot, at least to me.

    but, it wasn't probation that was the cause of it. mainly it was dbt, but something in me changed.

    i was someone else a year ago.

    someone else completley.




    idk, i've just been thinking about it alot, --which me do i like better;

    the one who needs taking care of,


    or, the one who does the taking care?

    Current Mood: contemplative.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Saturday, August 19th, 2006
    Saturday
    August 19th, 2006
    nice&quiet.
    If i could export things from movie magic i would post the lovely screenplay i've been working on, except it is simply a demo version i ripped off the internet, and i cannot. nor would it be in good judgment if i had posted it, because then you pansies might rip off one of my mediocore ideas or bits of dialouge. not that anything i write is any different than anything anyone else has to say. but, hey, i guess it's nice to pretend i have the capacity to be creative.

    Current Mood: sleepless.
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Monday, August 14th, 2006
    Monday
    August 14th, 2006
    Noodle is a funny word.

    Current Mood: sleepy.
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Saturday, August 12th, 2006
    Saturday
    August 12th, 2006
    and, it went on forever.
    The morning was chilly; I had woken up before everyone else.
    I stepped outside in a sweater, and the wind blew just the right breeze through it. The sun was shining and casting shadows through the branches of every tree. There were birds chirping, and the morning was making all of the noises that all of the most perfect mornings always do.

    I lit the gas grill on the barbeque, so that I could light my cigarette, because I was out of matches. This didn't make me angry or upset like it usually would, maybe because I knew I didn't have any before I even went outside. But, still, some part of me thought it was okay that I had to fuss with the propane to light the cigarette. A part of me said that it wasn't all that important, anyway.

    I took a seat and took in the morning, the way it was warm and chilly at the same time.

    You know that way in winter, that it's nearly freezing and the wind is blowing uncontrollably, but the sun is shining so bright that your eyes hurt and you have to squint to look in any direction? They way you still feel warm and covered by the sun, even when it's so terribly cold out?

    The trees seemed so tall, and it amazed me, that even though there were so many of them, that each one was reaching out and touching another tree. Their branches entwined. Except for this one small tree, which was standing by itself. It had this way of being hidden behind another tree so that it seemed as if they were touching, while they were still far apart.

    This made me very sad for about five seconds and then I realized that this was the prettiest tree in the whole yard, and the only one that looked different from all the others. In that second, I knew it was okay that this tree was standing alone, because this one was the most beautiful. That made things okay, somehow.

    I leaned over the railing, smoking, and lifted my whole head to let the sun soak into my face.

    The sky was more white than blue, which was okay, because it made things peaceful as the sun beamed from above. The blossoms on the trees were a terrifying pink, and their petals were scattered all over the ground beneath.

    It reminded me of the day you let me take those pictures of you, and how beautiful you were then, and how beautiful you are now. And how I remember feeling the same kind of warm that afternoon, even though I remember it was both windy and cold on that particular day.

    And, it dawned on me that I had left the speakers on inside, as I heard nick drake coming softly through the window's screen. It was so soft that it was nearly silent, and only for single moments could I hear bits of the song. It was so drowned out in fact, that all I could hear were the violins and pieces of his words. Which was quite alright, because it seemed so much prettier that way, bare. How it was meant to be at the core of itself.

    And, I thought then that if I could catch this all and bottle it for you, then maybe you could realize how much good and prettiness there really is in the world, even if you have to wake up at six a.m. to see it; it is there. because, everyone, even if they're horribly terrible to everybody else, deserves to see the sun just risen, and the pink blossoms and hear the violins mix with the chirping of the birds as if they themselves were a part of the song originally.

    And I knew that there was no other feeling like that one, so there would be no way to describe it to you. it was not something I could take a picture of either, it was that sort of image that, if you took a picture of it, the colors wouldn't come out as they were, and the light wouldn't be shining and casting shadows as perfectly as it was in that moment. The kind of beautiful that only stays beautiful in you head, because you felt how beautiful that morning was inside of you, and you knew it.

    It was the kind of beautiful that has the ability to make you either happy or sad, because its power is so overwhelming. The kind of beautiful, that if you cannot enjoy it, you feel terrible. but, I believe that if you look at the morning and just see how beautiful it is, and don't start thinking about how there will never be another morning quite as beautiful, so what's the point or that you're too depressed to see how incredible it is and then you hate yourself because you know it's so pretty. I don't think that's quite right, I thought that if you just thought to yourself, "what a pretty morning," instead of anything else, and just took everything in so that every time you remembered that morning, you remembered it for its beauty and not the bad thoughts that it made you think that day. You have to do this because if you cannot, then those memories of that morning will make you sad and not happy, and I don't think that's what beautiful, sunny mornings like these were intended for.

    And, I wondered if I could save this morning for you, if it would make you happy or sad. Although, I kind of knew that it would make you sad, because you couldn't stop yourself from thinking those bad thoughts, because you didn't know that you could stop thinking them.

    And then I thought that if I could hold you while I let you see the morning, then maybe it would be alright. Maybe you could see it then. What I meant. And you would believe in me and believe in everything.

    because, I want you to know the happiness of a morning with a beaming sun and a breeze running through your sweater so that I was there to hold you when you felt chilly, with the birds and the trees, and nick drake playing so softly in the background that you could barley hear his voice over the violins. And, that you could know that no other moment will ever be like this, and that it's okay, because it doesn't make this morning any less beautiful. And, it doesn't mean there won't be better moments, or moments when you will understand the same thing that you understood when you saw this one.

    And, I wish so bad that you could've been there, because there will never be a moment exactly like that one, and all I really wanted was to share that contentment with you. so, I will not try to bottle it or take a picture of it for you, I will just let it be so that we can have our own beautiful moment together one day that will be just as beautiful as this one, a moment that will seem to go on forever.





    And the beaming sun in the skies can make you warm and happy, even if I cannot.

    Current Mood: mellow
    if you read, (2) you'll judge.
    Saturday
    August 12th, 2006
    I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are.
    Dear Friend,
    I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is, because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don't want you to find me. I didn't enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.

    I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.

    So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

    Love always,
    Charlie

    Current Mood: contemplative.
    if you read, (1) you'll judge.
    Friday, August 11th, 2006
    Friday
    August 11th, 2006
    Oh, stay with me Arienette, until the wolves are away.
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
    Friday
    August 11th, 2006
    morning's gone, the day is in full swing.
    I feel the best when I am commited to making some sort of change or sending some kind of message. When I get things done, I feel I've accomplished something, it makes me full and I feel like I am doing something with my time. I need more of this sort of thing.

    Current Mood: mellow
    if you read, (0) you'll judge.
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